Unintentional pain

Is still pain

Anyone with a heart who has ever hurt anyone, whether intentional or not, knows that there’s pain that comes with that.

Not just for the person you hurt, but you feel it too. And once you feel that kind of pain, you never want to make anyone else feel that type of hurt again.

And you want no parts of it for yourself either.

For me, I’ve been hurt and I’ve caused others hurt.

And because of the hurt I caused others, I hurt for them and for myself. That connection matters to me.

Feeling it matters.

Learning from it matters.

Which is a reason why I cannot participate in a religion where we don’t learn from the hurt we’ve caused other people, where we stop feeling it.

To me, that kind of disconnect is not part of a healthy human experience.

Where there is no connection between you and the people you hurt, something in that feels deeply wrong.

The way that Christianity is (largely) practiced here, it feels like you have to disconnect.

You can’t have any heart.

You have to be…

cold,

sold out,

locked into the program,

because…

the heart can’t carry all of that pain and still be okay.

It’s just not humanly possible.

Honestly, I have no idea where the Christians who hurt others put it, but they put it somewhere, and I cannot do it.

I don’t carry hurt well.

No matter who’s at fault.

And harming people in the name of God, which translates to harming people in the name of love, is something I just cannot do.

I feel pain.

I’m a human being.

I’m supposed to feel.

A part of my spiritual journey is about managing what I feel.

Living and learning from it as I grow.

Again, much of Christianity didn’t allow space for that.

And I wasn’t created to cause pain.

Especially not in the name of Love, a.k.a. God.

I’m just not built for it.

So it’s a no on Christianity for me.